


It must be an alien thing

by Ragno



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Gender Issues, Gender or Sex Swap, Humor, M/M, Teaching, fever era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8331892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragno/pseuds/Ragno
Summary: “His dick’s missing too,” adds Jon, and if Ryan had lasers in his eyes, Jon Walker would be history right then and there. “And he keeps telling this alien theory, but it can’t be fucking aliens, man. Aliens are too busy doing their shit to give you tits and a pussy.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Remember those 2008 LJ genderswap fics? Yeah, this is something like that. No. Don't. Don't ask my why I decided to write this. I don't know either.

****

 

 

 

“It’s fucking aliens, man! How else would _this_ happen??”

That’s Ryan’s voice, hysteric. And that’s the first thing Brendon hears when he comes back to the bus. He woke up unusually early today, decided to go for a walk or something, learn the name of the city they’re in, maybe smoking a joint since he can’t do that on the bus because Ryan gets cranky when he smokes (or drink, or does some other stupid shit. Ryan gets cranky a lot).

“Hey! What’s up with the alien thing?” He asks when he gets inside, walking to the lounge and looking at Ryan and Jon there. Ryan turns his head and looks at him with wide eyes, crossing his arms around his chest quickly. “What?”

“Shut up! Don’t look at me!” Ryan shouts. Ryan doesn’t usually shout, but he’s freaking out right now. He’s freaking out and this has to be an alien thing because it doesn’t make any other sense and now Brendon is here and everything is _worse_. Just because.

“He’s a girl,” says Jon, and Brendon blinks, and Ryan groans, and Jon laughs breathy in a way he usually does when he’s high.

“I’m not a girl.” Ryan corrects.

“Are you high?” Brendon asks at the same time, because it’s not fucking fair that Jon gets to get high on the bus and he doesn’t.

“No, I mean. Really. Show him,” Jon says to Ryan and Ryan tighten his jaw. He looks at Brendon sideways and watches him looking back at him with an impatient face. Ryan doesn’t want to show him, not Brendon. Brendon won’t understand. Brendon’s going to laugh at him.

On the other hand, he already told _Jon Walker_.

Ryan uncrosses his arms slowly, carefully, swallowing and looking away as the fabric curves revealing two tiny breasts with two even tinier nipples popping out. Brendon’s eyes get impossibly huge and he blinks a couple of times.

“Did you… get implants?” He asks, because he didn’t even know Ryan felt that way. He never asked them to use a different pronoun or anything. Or maybe he just wanted tits. Ryan can be weird like that.

“I woke up like this, asshole!” Ryan chimes in, his cheeks and ears burning red. “I didn’t ask for this. This is some fucking alien shit.”

“His dick’s missing too,” adds Jon, and if Ryan had lasers in his eyes, Jon Walker would be history right then and there. “And he keeps telling this alien theory, but it can’t be fucking aliens, man. Aliens are too busy doing their shit to give you tits and a pussy.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Spencer appears from the corridor that goes to the bunks, rubbing and eye and looking at them funny.

“Ryan’s a girl,” Jon says.

“I’m NOT a girl!”

 

*

 

There’s got to be some kind of information, somewhere on the Internet, maybe books about it. Ryan doesn’t know, and he’s not even sure he wants to know. Spencer’s looking for it, Jon is kind of helping, suggesting sites and stuff. They’re going for the logical explanation and searching in biology sites, chemistry blogs, things like that. Ryan’s huddled on the couch, covered with a blanket ignoring the hot weather, mourning for his former self. Brendon’s eating pop tarts.

“I can’t find anything, man. This is some kind of weird shit,” says Spencer, giving up and closing his laptop.

“Fucking aliens…” Ryan murmurs. He truly hopes the aliens are just experimenting and give him back his body some time soon.

“At least nobody can notice,” says Brendon, and the rest of the guys look at him at the same time. Brendon swallows what is in his mouth and shrugs. “I mean, you haven’t changed at all.”

“At all?? My cock is missing!” Ryan burst out, yanking the blanket away from him. “Do you know how it feels, having your cock taken away? I don’t even know how to walk. It’s like there’s… an imbalance! But of course you wouldn’t know the difference with that micro dick!”

“Woah, isn’t it too soon to be on your period?” Brendon laughs.

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Ryan threatens.

“I’m not gonna buy you pads,” Brendon replies.

“Okay, time-out!” Jon says, stepping up and placing a hand on Ryan’s shoulder when he’s about to get up the couch. “We’re all a little bit stressed right now.”

“He’s the one threatening my life!” Brendon exclaims, shaking his head in disbelief while shoving another pop tart in his mouth.

“I lost my dick, Brendon, fuck,” Ryan cries out, and then covers his face with his hands, breathing ragged and whimpering, and Brendon feels a little bad for not being more understanding right now.

“What I was saying,” he speaks up again, smoothening his tone, “is that you still look like you, you still look like Ryan. So we don’t have to cancel or make up excuses or anything. We can keep going on with our lives while we look for the answer.”

Ryan rubs his eyes before uncovering his face, breathing deep and looking at Brendon. He’s an asshole, Ryan knows that, but he’s smiling at him and Ryan also knows that he always means well even if it does come out wrong. He sighs and nods, trying to smile a little at Brendon, coming out as a weird twist of lips but being enough.

“Okay, so what do we do now? Any idea? Any place to look for, any person to talk to?” Spencer asks, leaning back on the couch and crossing his arms. “I couldn’t find anything about it. And I’m not making a research about your alien theory, Ryan.”

“I’ve actually read about it before,” Brendon says before Ryan can protest, and Ryan face lightens up, like Brendon just said he’s found guitar supplies for life.

“You have?? Where??” Ryan asks, excited. Brendon hesitates for a second.

“Um… In fanfiction.”

The three of them groan at the same time, Spencer covering his face with his hands, Jon shaking his head, and Ryan shooting a murderous gaze at Brendon. He’s going to kill him. He can’t believe he though for a minute that Brendon would take this seriously.

“I can’t believe you…” Ryan tightens his jaw and presses his lips together. He wants to fucking cry right now.

“Hey, listen. At least I’ve got something, okay? I’m not saying it’s legit. But at least we can try. If people write about it maybe there’s something true behind all the shit, it has to come from somewhere, right?” Brendon says, trying to defend himself, breaking the rest of his pop tarts in tiny pieces, putting some in his mouth. “I… I’m just trying to help you.”

“Okay, so how is it? What does it happen in those stories?” Jon asks. “Is there a way to fix it?”

“Oh, well. Sometimes it just goes away, or doesn’t, like at all. But most of the time is easy. You just gotta be fucked,” Brendon explains, chewing at his pop tarts.

“…what?” Ryan’s livid, he’s pretty sure he’s lost all of his blood pressure. Poof! Gone.

“I mean, usually it has to be the one you’re secretly in love with or something. Like, you know, it’s fanfiction. There’s always love and secrets and fucking involved. At least the one’s I’ve read.”

“I still don’t know why you’ve read those things,” Spencer says, and Brendon just shrugs.

“I get bored pretty easily,” he answers, and that should be enough.

“Okay. So when you say fucked you mean there has to be penetration, right?” Spencer asks, and Ryan feels dizzy. “Like turning into a girl it’s some sort of retribution for not being able to, I don’t know, be true to yourself or some shit. And you just can go back by fucking the dude you like.”

“Exactly,” Brendon nods, laughing then. “Fanfiction, man. Some weird shit.”

“I’m not _secretly in love_ with any dude. I’m true to myself, okay?” Ryan says when he’s able to get his voice to work.

“I think we all know who should do it,” says Spencer ignoring Ryan. Brendon feels his mouth dry and swallows. “You’ve had a crush on Pete since forever. You two have been fooling around. And he would’ve fuck you for sure if you didn’t have a dick. Well, now you don’t have one, so it’s perfect.”

“I don’t…” Ryan says, but he loses his voice again at the same time his face gets all red. Brendon licks his lips and looks down at his hands, bringing then his pop tart stained fingers to his lips.

“We should call him. See if we can meet up or if we happen to play in the same city any time soon,” Jon suggests, walking to the kitchen counter to take his phone.

“Or maybe there’s another way. I mean. We didn’t… Ryan, are you okay with that? Because I feel like you should be the one who…” Brendon speaks fast, turning to look at Ryan, asking him.

“I’m…” Ryan lowers his head, clearing his throat and looking away. “Well, I mean. Uh. It’s… It’s Pete.”

“Oh,” Brendon says, nodding slowly while Spencer stands up too and the guys look for Pete’s number on the phone. “Okay.”

 

*

 

To the guys’ surprise, Pete willingly agrees without asking too much about it. He doesn’t even freak out when they tell him about the girl (the girl parts, the missing cock, whatever) thing, and when Brendon asks why doesn’t he seem surprised he says he’s not allowed to talk about it. The guys spend the rest of the day trying to figure out which one of the Fall Out Boy members was the one who went through the same.

At least now they’re a little bit more sure that the fucking thing will work out, as weird as it sound. They won’t be able to meet up until two weeks later, and Ryan will have to deal with having some missing parts until then. At least now he knows he will get back to normal, even if his hands get sweaty thinking about having sex with Pete, about everybody knowing.

He thought Brendon would be the first one to laugh at him because of it, to tease him about his crush, to make jokes about it. He hasn’t. Brendon’s actually been weirdly quiet these days, like he was trying to make things better for Ryan until everything’s over. Ryan got weirded out at first, and confronted him reminding him he was not a girl.

“I know,” Brendon says.

“Then why are you treating me so…?” So gently. So thoughtful. So kindly. He doesn’t say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous. “Different.”

“That’s a bit misogynistic, don’t you think? I’m not treating you any different because you have a pussy. You’re not different to me. At all.”

Ryan doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t stop thinking about it, though, and later that night he crawls into Brendon’s bunk like he does sometimes when he can’t sleep, like Brendon does too.

“Hey,” Ryan calls him, pushing away the curtain and waiting for Brendon to open his eyes and smile at him to get inside.

“Hi,” Brendon grins, shifting to make room for Ryan, pressing his back to the wall. “I was thinking about your alien theory. If it turns out to be true and we meet the aliens and stuff, do you think they would do it to me too? Or you’re like some kind of chosen one or something?”

“What?” Ryan frowns, making himself confortable, resting his head on Brendon’s pillow, their legs tangling together a little. “Why would you want that?”

“I don’t know. It seems fun, to be a girl for a while,” Brendon smiles, and Ryan sighs, ready to tell him again that he’s not a girl when Brendon stops him. “I’m not saying you are. I know you’re not a girl. I’m saying I would. I’d be totally a girl, and I’d wear skirts and heels and shave my legs and all that shit. I wouldn’t miss my dick, I bet I’d have good pair of boobs, and I already have the ass. I’d be a fucking wet dream, Ryro.” He grins, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I bet you would…” Ryan jokes, looking down at his hands and pulling at the dry skin of his bottom lip. “I’m sorry I told you you had a micro dick,” he says, smiling a little.

“It’s okay, I know my dick is human size. It’s not your fault you have a monstercock and don’t know the human measurement.” Brendon laughs, and Ryan laughs too, tilting his head and getting closer to Brendon.

“Had,” he says, and when Brendon frowns, not understanding what he means, he repeats. “I had a ‘monstercock’. I don’t have it anymore.”

“Do you miss it?” Brendon asks even if he knows Ryan does. It must be weird for Ryan. Brendon knows not everyone is as open to change as he is. When Ryan nods, Brendon bites his lip, making a face. “It was a nice cock,” he says, and that makes Ryan laugh.

“It was,” Ryan agrees, sighing. “I don’t even know how to work this thing. I have to remind myself to seat when I have to pee every fucking time.” Ryan looks away at the ceiling, blushing a little when he adds. “It’s pretty, though. I think. Or it would be pretty, like, on a girl.”

Brendon stays in silence for a few seconds, shifting to get closer to Ryan, his eyes wandering through his body, how the fabric hangs in different places.

“Can I see it?” Brendon whispers.

“Fuck no!” Ryan exclaims, and the soft, calm atmosphere breaks and disappears. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Then why did you tell me it was pretty?? I just…” Brendon starts to defend himself, he wants to tell him that it’s no difference, they’ve seen each other naked a million times, but Ryan’s face looks horrified and he stops. “Okay. Okay, sorry. That was out of place.”

“You’re out of place…” Ryan groans, and Brendon apologizes again. They stay in silence then, Brendon looking at Ryan and chewing at his lips, Ryan staring at the celling with his cheeks red because now he can’t stop thinking about Brendon seeing him naked like this. “It’s just… I don’t want you to laugh at me.”

Brendon wants to say he wouldn’t laugh, he just wants to see it, he’s just curious. But he knows Ryan won’t let him anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. He doesn’t want Ryan feeling uncomfortable around him, thinking he’s some kind of pervert for insisting on it. He lets the silence stay for a little bit longer, until he feels Ryan relaxing again.

“Do you want to know the first thing I’d do if I woke up as a girl?” asks Brendon with a playful smile, trying to change the subject a little, and Ryan rolls his eyes.

“No,” he answers.

“I would touch myself,” Brendon says anyway, “like crazy. I would make myself come as much as I can. Try that multi orgasm thing.”

“Awesome. Good for you.”

Brendon laughs maybe too loud when Ryan gives him a dirty look, covering his mouth with his hand because it’s late and if he wakes up Spencer he’s dead. He moves closer to Ryan again, and now their legs are totally tangled together, their arms touching, their hips gracing.

“Have you…?” Brendon asks, whispering, giggling then when Ryan punches him but turns totally red. “You have! Oh my God, how was it?”

“I haven’t…” Ryan huffs, sighing and looking away before taking a deep breath and looking at Brendon again. “I’ve tried, okay? It… it didn’t work.”

“It didn’t??”

“I don’t know, it’s… I tried but it felt weird, and I wasn’t sure about what to do, and then it kinda hurt, you know? It wasn’t pleasant at all,” Ryan says, frowning and almost pouting a little. “Maybe I’m really bad at this and no one told me before…”

This time Brendon has to bury his face in his pillow to muffle his laughs because he can’t help it. He laughs and laughs until his lungs hurt and Ryan’s punching him again, saying he’s an asshole and he’s not going to tell him anything else anymore in his life.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just…” Brendon turns his head, mostly to be able to breath, but also to look at Ryan. “Dude, you have to admit it’s funny.”

“Fuck off.”

“You need to figure it out, man. I mean, I guess you want to enjoy it. You know…” Brendon says, breathing deep when his laughter dies, leaving a soft smile on his lips. “When you do it… with Pete.”

Ryan feels his stomach twist. He was trying to avoid thinking about it.

It’s true he likes Pete. A lot. It’s true he’s had a crush on him since forever, and it’s also true they’ve fooled around a bit when they’ve been together. It’s true Ryan thought that he could even fall for Pete, but Pete made it clear he doesn’t like cock, and Ryan wouldn’t want to be with someone that plain hates a part of his body. So he’s not really sure if Pete should be the one to do it, just because he has a vagina now. Does that mean he was just a cock to Pete before? And now he’s not? It’s really confusing and Ryan’s head hurt when he thinks about it for too long. Anyway, it’s not like he can ask any other guy, and, on the bright side… it’s Pete.

“What if I don’t? Enjoy it, I mean,” he asks, and he should have taken really long to speak, because Brendon’s almost asleep now, and he just frowns, opening just an eye to look at Ryan and smiling soft.

“Come here,” Brendon says, moving so his arm gets under Ryan’s head, letting him use his shoulder as rest. Ryan used to feel weird when Brendon cuddled with him, but then he understood that was just how Brendon was, it didn’t mean anything. “I bet you’ll be fine. Pete likes you, and you like him. You like each other. That’s how it works in the stories. And then you’ll get your cock back and you two will be happy forever after.”

“I’m not so sure about that…” Ryan mutters, but it seems like Brendon doesn’t hear him, because he keeps talking, more asleep than awake.

“That’s how it works, you have to love each other and fuck and sometimes marry,” he giggles, letting his head fall, resting his cheek on Ryan’s head. “I guess it would’ve been easier if it was me. I would enjoy it. I’d ask you to do it,” he says, and Ryan tenses, blinking but not looking up at him, just listening. “I mean, I know it wouldn’t work. It’ll be just for fun. Your cock looks like it would feel so good.”

“Brendon,” Ryan calls his name, not sure why. Maybe to ask him to stop talking because it feels weird, it feels weird hearing him talk about his cock when it’s missing, it feels weird the tingling sensation his words are creating where his cock used to be, it feels weird the way his nipples are getting hard and they’re so sensitive.

Brendon doesn’t say anything, though. He’s already asleep.

 

*

 

It’s been a week. Ryan’s been talking to Pete more lately, just because he guesses it’ll be weird just to meet to fuck, just like that. Besides, it’s Pete, he and Ryan are no strangers. When Ryan decided to tell Pete about his concern, Pete suggested trying phone sex, see if that way he could get Ryan’s body to work properly. If Pete could get him off through phone, it would be so much easier in real life.

It didn’t work. Or it kind of did, but not completely. It was better than the first time Ryan tried it by himself. He was wet and everything, his skin tightening, his body getting hotter. But then Pete started talking about boobs and pussy and that bad dirty talk Brendon likes on his pornos. Ryan didn’t get off. At all.

“What do you think was wrong?” Brendon asks when Ryan tells him about it. As weird as it could be, it turned out Brendon was the one who seemed more supportive, more attentive. Ryan was tired of Spencer’s witty remarks and Jon’s jokes.

“I don’t know. Maybe the dirty talk, it was really bad,” Ryan laughs a little, biting his lips and looking at the ceiling. “But I’m usually in the mood for some bad dirty talk.”

“Of course you are, you dirty boy,” Brendon jokes, licking his lips seductively and laughing, shifting so they can fit better on the couch. “I don’t know. I like dirty talk. What did he say to you?” Brendon asks, and it’s mostly curiosity but also he wants to be able to mock Pete, at least in his mind. Ryan gets red all over and shifts too, a little uncomfortable.

“I don’t know, um. Like.” He looks away and his fingers twist the hem of Brendon’s t-shirt when he clears his throat. “Like, ‘is your pussy wet, baby?’ and stuff like that,” he says, getting even redder, and Brendon has to gather all of his strength not to crack laughing right there.

“Oh. Um,” he presses his lips together and snorts a laugh when Ryan frowns and punches his arm. “Sorry! I mean. I… I understand how that would turn you off. I mean. It would turn me off too if someone said that to me now. Like, it’d feel like they weren’t talking to me.”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods, suddenly realizing that’s exactly the problem. “Yes, that’s it. It didn’t feel… I am not a girl. I don’t want him talking to me like that.”

“Yeah, I don’t think there’s a problem with you,” Brendon says, twisting his lips. “You should tell Pete, though.”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods again, turning his head to look at Brendon, smiling at him. “Thanks, B,” he says, and Brendon’s smile blinds him for a moment.

Brendon’s nervous. He’s counting the days. It’s not like he wants Ryan to stay as he is now, he totally wants him happy, and Ryan seems to need his cock back to be happy (he doesn’t talk about his tits, Brendon thinks he likes how sensible his nipples are now). But the thing is, he’s nervous about Ryan sleeping with Pete. Not because he’s got anything against Pete, he loves the dude, but… But. There’s. Something. And Brendon can’t quite put his fingers on what it is, but it’s something.

Maybe it’s because he doesn’t see Ryan that sure anymore, and Brendon doesn’t want him to do something that he’s not totally sure about. Maybe it’s because Ryan keeps telling him how Pete still addresses him like a girl sometimes and Brendon doesn’t like anyone misgendering his best friend. Maybe it’s because Ryan keeps looking for the way to make sure sex will be pleasant and Brendon doesn’t think you should prepare sex to be pleasant, it just should be. Period.

“I need your help,” Ryan says, getting into Brendon’s bunk without a warning, just pushing him and crawling on top of Brendon to get to the bottom, letting himself fall on the mattress with his back against the wall.

“Okay, how?” Brendon asks, because Ryan doesn’t usually ask for help, and he wouldn’t tell him no anyway if he did.

“I’ve talked to Jac,” Ryan starts, and Brendon tries really hard not to roll his eyes, “and I asked her what would she do if a guy was really bad at sex and she wanted to at least get off.” Ryan explains, and now Brendon gets it. “She laughed and made some comments about… _things_. But then she said she just takes care of it. Like, touching herself, make herself come.”

“Okay…” Brendon nods, waiting for Ryan to tell him where his help should be useful.

“So, the thing is. I haven’t been able to… I don’t know how to jerk off. And she kind of explained to me, but she was in a rush, or maybe she didn’t want to get into details. I mean, she doesn’t know I…” Ryan swallows, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “She said Audrey told her you were good at that, so she said I should ask you.”

Brendon smiles totally self-satisfied before he actually gets the last part of the sentence.

“You should ask me what??” he asks, and Ryan’s face is burning now.

“Not to… I mean. You could explain it to me. How to do it,” Ryan says, a little breathy and feeling the back of his neck getting sweaty.

“Oh. _Oh_ , okay,” Brendon sighs with a sympathetic smile. “But, um. She probably thought you were asking how to get a girl off, not how to… I mean, it’s true I’m good at it. But, like, with my mouth, you know?”

“Oh.” Ryan feels the heat on his cheeks spread down all over his body, feeling awkward and embarrassed. “Okay.” Ryan starts moving to get out of the bunk, but Brendon moves quickly, getting in the way.

“I mean, I could still try. To help you, I mean,” Brendon says, speaking fast and looking at Ryan. “I’ve seen her do it. I’ve seen a few girls do it. I like it when they do it in front of me.” Brendon explains, and Ryan feels his skin starting to burn. Brendon puts his hand carefully on Ryan’s hip, pushing lightly to make him lie again. “I could… We could try. You’re meeting Pete tomorrow anyway. You have nothing to lose.”

“Okay,” Ryan nods, lying down, relaxing as much as he can. “Okay.”

Brendon breathes deep and counts to ten in his mind. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to start this, how Ryan wants it, if he wants him just to describe it or tell him some tips or. He doesn’t even know why he had to stop Ryan from leaving a second ago, why did he had to offer something he’s not sure he can give out.

“Okay, so. First of all, you have to be wet,” Brendon says, and his voice sounds hoarse in his ears, weird. “I guess if Pete’s like, naked and stuff you will…”

“Don’t talk about Pete now, please,” Ryan asks, and Brendon looks at him for a second before nodding, swallowing and speaking again.

“Okay, so. If you’re turned on, you should be wet. If your not, you can start by making your fingers wet. Like,” Brendon brings a hand to his lips, pushing two fingers between them before he realizes what he’s doing, taking them away and laughing awkwardly.

Ryan’s watching him, though. And when Brendon takes his fingers away from his lips, Ryan brings his own to his mouth, opening his lips and sucking the tip of them inside. Brendon’s heart skips a beat, but he tries to keep his composure. This is just teaching. This is for science and shit.

“Now, um. Once you have your fingers wet, you can start touching yourself,” Brendon says, and his eyes grow wide when he sees Ryan’s pulling his fingers from his mouth and bringing them down, making his hand disappear under the waist of his pajama pants. Ryan’s not looking at him anymore, his eyes are closed and his back is now against the mattress. The small bunk makes their legs touch when Ryan opens his own to have better access, and Brendon tries not to pay attention to the heat gathering on his lower belly. “Don’t go rough,” he says when he watches Ryan’s hand start to move. “Some girls like it, but. You need to. To figure it out. To test how you like it. It doesn’t work like a dick, you have to be patient.”

“Then how?” Ryan asks, his strangled voice making Brendon’s cock jump in his pants. And he’s still not looking at Brendon, but he’s listening, paying attention, his hand still until Brendon tells him what to do.

“Go slow, soft, like…” Brendon moves one of his hands, resting on his side to reach and graze the skin of Ryan’s arm with the tip of his fingers. “Like this. Touch yourself everywhere, every fold, see where you need it more.”

Ryan nods and licks his lips, his breath getting heavy when his fingers move like Brendon has said, like Brendon is still doing on his arms. Ryan lets a shaky breath out and focus on Brendon’s fingers, making with his own the same pattern Brendon’s making on his arm. He swallows deep when his skin gets goosebumps, a little noise escaping his throat. His fingers are now damp even when there’s not saliva left, he feels himself dripping, his heart racing.

“Now go for your clit. Do you know where it is?” Brendon’s voice feels like an electric shock, and Ryan shivers. He knows where clits are, but his mind is getting blurry and he doesn’t answer immediately. “Let me, just…” Brendon moves the hand tracing patterns on his arms, taking it down until it’s over Ryan’s hand over the fabric of his pajama. Brendon holds Ryan’s hand carefully, placing his fingers over Ryan’s and moving them up. “Around here. Can you feel it?” Brendon asks.

“Fuck. Shit, fuck,” Ryan swears, his eyes shut and his muscles tensing. “It’s too much.”

“Don’t stop now. Keep going,” Brendon encourages him, but this new sensations are too weird, too new, and Ryan pulls his hand away and out of his pants, his whole body trembling and his breath fast.

“Fuck. I couldn’t…” Ryan takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and swallowing. And this is the first time he sees himself like this, his body shaking, his chest raising and falling, his nipples hard, his fingers stained shiny. And Brendon there by his side.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t worry, you were so close,” Brendon smiles at him, and Ryan sees how Brendon’s also breathy, how his skin irradiates more heat. “Hey, you got wet. That’s good news!” Brendon says, and he touches Ryan’s stained fingers with his own, a shiny string joining their fingers before breaking when Brendon takes his own away. “You got really wet.” He says, and yeah, Ryan knows, he can feel it, he can smell it.

“Dude. Gross,” Ryan says when he sees Brendon watching closely at his now stained finger. Brendon looks at him and smiles, shaking his head.

“It’s not gross, come on,” Brendon laughs, “nothing gross can come from you,” he says, taking his fingers to his lips and pushing it inside his mouth, tasting it, making Ryan let out a breathy ‘fuck’ when he does. “You taste good too,” he whispers.

There are some seconds of silence where neither of them knows what to do next, where have they gotten into and how to get out or if to get out. Ryan watches Brendon with liquid eyes and Brendon just breathes, slowly, heavy, trying to keep calm. He lowers his gaze to Ryan’s wet fingers, and then looks back at Ryan’s face. Brendon licks his lips, bites them and, just like that, opens them, as an invitation. Plump, red, shiny lips and that look in his eyes.

Ryan moves automatically, not even thinking about what he’s doing, just bringing his fingers to Brendon’s mouth, touching his bottom lip before he pushes both of them inside, watches how Brendon close his mouth around them. Ryan pants and moans, closing his eyes when Brendon sucks at his fingers, licks them clean, so fucking slow it’s making him lose his head. And it’s just that, just his fingers in Brendon’s mouth, on Brendon’s tongue, but it’s making him melt.

“Fuck. Fuck, you taste so good,” Brendon whispers when Ryan takes his fingers out, looking at him with his eyes dark, full of mischiefs. Ryan makes a whiny noise and he feels himself burning between his legs, damp, ready. “Can I? Just a little bit more. Want to taste you again.”

Ryan doesn’t know where it comes from, but before he can think about it he’s already grabbed Brendon’s wrist, pulling at it to push Brendon’s hand inside his pants, his legs already open, willing. They both gasp when Brendon’s fingers touch where Ryan’s wet and tender, getting impossibly close now, the tip of their noses grazing, breathing at each other’s lips. Brendon curls his fingers and Ryan moans, trembling as Brendon touches him, deeps his fingers between the folds.

He wants to complain when Brendon gets his hand out again, but before any sound can come out of his mouth, Brendon brings his fingers to his lips and licks them clean, moaning around them as if it were the best thing he’s ever tasted. Ryan looks at Brendon’s mouth captivated, watching those full lips around the fingers, imagining how good would they look around something else.

“Do you like it?” Ryan asks, even if he already knows the answer. He wants to hear it again; he likes the way Brendon’s words feel on his skin.

“Fucking love it,” he says, getting his fingers out of his mouth and pushing them against Ryan’s lips. Ryan doesn’t think about opening his mouth, he just does, closing his eyes and shivering just thinking about Brendon’s fingers against his tongue. He doesn’t get them, though. Brendon just uses them to open his mouth and slip his own tongue inside it, making Ryan moan when he kisses him, when Brendon’s tongue makes his mouth get full of his own taste mixing with sweet heated desperation. “See? Fucking delicious,” Brendon says, looking at Ryan’s eyes and kissing him again while his hand go back between Ryan’s legs.

It’s overwhelming, Brendon’s kisses and touches and pants and moans, all at once, not giving him time to think about how good it feels, how much he wants it. There’s just one thing in his mind right now and it’s a chant repeating ‘more, more, more’. Ryan was never that eager, but this is making him lose his mind.

“Ryan,” Brendon calls him, breaking the kiss but staying where he is, lips against lips. “Can I put my mouth on you?” He asks, so politely it gives Ryan chills, sliding his open lips down his jaw to kiss below Ryan’s ear. “I want to eat you out.” He adds, and all politeness is gone, and Ryan’s gone too.

He just needs to nod and Brendon’s crawling down his body, hooking his fingers on Ryan’s waistband and pushing down to reveal the newly exposed skin. Ryan tenses up for a second, not knowing what to do, not knowing how Brendon’s going to react, if he’s going to step back when he sees him or he’s going to laugh or. Ryan knows Brendon would probably get mad at him if he knew Ryan’s thinking this, but Ryan has been let down too many times to allow himself to be much self-confident.

Brendon doesn’t say anything, though. Anything at all. He just keeps going as if there was nothing different about Ryan, as if there was nothing out of place, nothing missing, as if it was just Ryan, whole.

He’s thought about Brendon’s mouth before, he can’t deny it. He’s thought about those lips, wondering if they would feel as good as they look, picturing them open and ready. When Brendon runs them down Ryan’s thigh, he doesn’t have to picture it anymore. When Brendon’s lips cover him between his legs, tongue pushing, teeth scraping, Ryan just lets himself feel.

“Oh my God,” he moans as his whole body arches, his fingers tangling quickly in Brendon’s hair, pushing his head farther, wanting to feel everything harder. Brendon’s mouthing at him, kissing, licking, sucking, fucking slurping like Ryan was his favorite food, using his fingers to open him up, give himself more access. And he’s good. Jac was right; he’s so good at this. “ _Brendon_.”

“You’re sweet, Ryan, fuck,” Brendon’s licking his lips, licking his fingers again, like Ryan had a fucking delicacy between his legs, and Ryan’s going to have a heart attack. “Does your cock taste this good too? Gonna let me taste it when you have it back?”

Ryan’s body jerks, and he think he’s coming but he’s not, or maybe he is. Ryan doesn’t know what the fuck is going on but Brendon’s talking about sucking his cock while he’s pushing his tongue inside him and Ryan can’t. He just.

“Fuck. Do you…? Do you want that?” Ryan asks, gaining back a little bit of confidence because his cock he knows how to work with. “You want my cock?”

“Please,” Brendon answers, and Ryan shivers, just thinking about how good it would feel and feeling how good it does now. “I want anything you want to give me.”

Ryan kind of wants to give him everything right now. There’s something about Brendon, about the way he touches, about the way he approaches to Ryan’s body, how he holds and grabs and kisses and bites, so careful and still so hard, like he wants and needs but mostly cares about Ryan enjoying every little thing. The way he talks. Like he’s doing this because he’s Ryan, like he would have done this before given the opportunity, like he doesn’t give a fuck about how Ryan’s changed. Like he’d had love Ryan’s cock the same way he’s loving the rest of his body. Like he loves… him.

“Turn around, let me do it from behind,” Brendon asks, and Ryan nods quickly, mostly because he’s lost all self-control now, but also because that way he can muffle his increasing moans on Brendon’s pillow. He feels more exposed now somehow, with his knees digging in the mattress and his hips up, Brendon holding him tight in place. His tongue pushes deeper and his fingers move faster, and Ryan feels really dizzy, everything going blurry. He’s clenching. His inner muscles, muscles he didn’t have before are clenching, and he feels like he needs something, like his body’s demanding something else.

“Brendon, could you…? Your fingers. Inside me,” he pants, rubbing his forehead against the pillow because he’s fucking sweating, for God’s sake. He doesn’t sweat when he fucks. He doesn’t sweat, period.

Brendon curses and groans, sucking hard at him before taking his hand away, and gropes for Ryan’s wrist, pulling at it when he finds it, bringing Ryan’s hand between his legs.

“Touch yourself like I was doing. Don’t stop, Ryan,” Brendon orders, placing Ryan’s fingers on the right place before pushing two of his own inside Ryan’s body. Ryan wants to scream, fisting the sheets with his free hand and pressing his face against the pillow, electric shocks all over his body, his skin hypersensitive. Brendon twists his fingers then and the same time he licks up, pushing between Ryan’s butt cheeks, swirling his tongue against the rim.

“Brendon, what the…” He wants to finish the question bur his whole body’s convulsing, his fingers moving frantic while Brendon pushes his own deeper inside him, the tip of his tongue making his way in, too. And it’s too much, every sensation, the feeling of having so much pleasure coming from so many places. “Fuck,” he swears, and that’s the only thing he can keep saying when he starts to come. Because he starts. He doesn’t just come. He comes and comes and keeps coming, and he’s fucking twisting in pleasure, so overwhelming he’s about to pass out.

“Fuck, babe, you’re gonna break my fingers,” Brendon groans, touching with his thumb where he’s still pushing with his tongue. “Gonna make me come just looking at you.”

And maybe it’s because he’s still enjoying the bliss of his orgasm, maybe it’s because he can’t believe how his body is still ready for more, or maybe it’s because he’s just realized that Brendon has left himself unattended all this time to just focus on him. Maybe it’s everything, maybe he’s given up and just wants to let himself go, maybe he’s thinking about Brendon hard and pulsing in his pants and he wants. He wants.

“Fuck me,” he says, and he never, ever, in his life would have thought of saying that to Brendon fucking Urie, but. “Brendon, please. Fuck me.”

Brendon stops what he’s doing right there and Ryan closes his eyes, waiting, hoping he didn’t just fuck things up, he didn’t overstepped. He’s not even sure what they’re doing anymore. Is this still Brendon helping him jerk off? Is this something else? What the fuck is this? Brendon’s moving away. He’s moving. But he kisses up Ryan’s spine, bites his neck, whisper at his ear.

“You sure?” He asks, his nose poking behind Ryan’s ear, his hips pressing against Ryan’s ass, his cock, fuck, Brendon’s…

“Fuck, I can feel you. You’re so hard,” Ryan groans, and he can’t help but push against it, feel it closer, hotter, harder.

“Touch me?” Brendon doesn’t need to ask twice, Ryan’s already reaching back, groping for it with his fingers, moaning when he touches over the fabric, stroking before pushing his hand inside Brendon’s pants.

“Holy shit, B,” Ryan laughs, feeling a little hysteric, wrapping his fingers around Brendon’s cock. “I won’t ever say you have a micro dick again. Promise.”

Brendon laughs and hides his face in Ryan’s neck, kissing his cheek and then poking at it with his nose to move and kiss his lips. They kiss, Brendon sighing and moaning a little, his hand sliding down to hold Ryan’s hip, their bodies fitting together. And it’s hot but also somehow sweet, and it makes Ryan tremble.

“I want to fuck you. I want it so bad, but…” Brendon looks him in the eyes and bites his lips, the hand on Ryan’s hip moving a little to cradle his butt cheek, his thumb sliding back between them, caressing. “I’ve always wanted to… Can I?” He asks, pressing with his finger, not really pushing it inside but making Ryan feel it. “I’ll let you fuck my ass too when you get your cock back.”

Brendon didn’t need much to persuade him, but that last thing is enough to make him open his legs and push back against him, eager. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have a cock right now, but he wants Brendon’s as fast as possible. He needs it.

“Yes. Yeah, come on,” Ryan pleads, using the hand inside Brendon’s pants to push them away, Brendon’s helping too to get rid of his clothes, making Ryan groan when his cock presses hard between his cheeks. Ryan’s body’s on fire, like he didn’t just come minutes ago, and he’s not sure if it’s this new equipment or if it’s just Brendon what makes him so insatiable. To make it worse, Brendon’s teasing him, rubbing the head of his cock along his ass, pushing without getting inside. “Brendon I swear to God. If you don’t fuck me right now…”

He does, right before he drags his cock between Ryan’s legs to gather his own lubrication, making it slippery wet before pushing inside him, forcing him open holding his cheeks to see how he gets in, how his cock disappears inside of Ryan. Brendon closes his eyes when it’s too much, thrusting and burying himself to the hilt.

“Close your eyes,” Brendon whispers, leaning in and kissing the nape of Ryan’s neck, the sweat making his hair stick to the skin. “Don’t think. It’s just us,” he says, licking with the tip of his tongue as he starts moving, one of his hands traveling back between Ryan’s legs, stroking. “We were so fucking horny we couldn’t help ourselves. And I needed to be inside you so bad, you let me do it,” Brendon says, and it should be ridiculous because Ryan knows the truth, but he allows himself to forget why they’re really doing this and just feel it, feel everything Brendon’s saying. “Have you done this before?”

“No,” he groans. Not really. He’s done things, but not full fucking, not having someone else inside him.

“Do you like it?” Brendon asks again, his voice lower, and Ryan gets goosebumps all over his skin.

“Yes.” He likes it. He fucking loves it. Brendon thrusts harder, moving his fingers faster, biting Ryan’s skin. “Oh, God, Brendon.”

“Couldn’t wait to feel you, Ry. Feel you tightening around me, your body giving up so sweet, your cock so hard for it,” he says and Ryan shivers, it’s something electric running through his body. “Are you? Um? Are you hard, Ryan?”

“Yes. Fuck.” He’s not. He’s physically unable to. But he is, though. He’s so fucking hard right now he can feel the weight of his full cock heavy between his legs, Brendon’s hand around it. “Fuck, you’re gonna make me come.” Again. Brendon’s going to make him come _again_.

“Let me come inside you?” Brendon asks, fucking him deeper, his fingers moving desperate. “I promise to lick you clean later.” And that’s it. That’s what Ryan needs. He comes with a long hoarse moan, dripping between his legs and over Brendon’s hand, his whole body jerking and his eyes full of tears because he can control the sensations. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Brendon curses, taking his hand away from between Ryan’s legs and pushing his fingers in his mouth, tasting it as he loses his rhythm, digging his nails deep in Ryan’s flesh before he comes like crazy.

Ryan’s still feeling the aftershocks of his orgasm when Brendon gets out of him, spreading him open and sweeping his tongue along his ass, sucking, biting, licking him clean as he promised. And Ryan’s about to black out, all his senses mixing and the bunk shifting and Brendon’s fingers back inside him. He’s coming. All over again. He’s coming, exhausted, and he’s gone.

 

*

 

“Welcome back,” Brendon has his classic shit-eating grin on his face, lying beside him with his hair glued to his forehead and his lips bigger and redder, his breath not totally controlled yet.

“Shit, did I pass out?” Ryan asks, blinking a couple of times and feeling how the muscles of his body are not responding, too tired to even shift to rest on his side.

“I’d like to think so, yeah. That would mean I’m even more awesome at this than I thought,” Brendon laughs, tilting his head and biting his bottom lip. “You just were gone for a couple of seconds. I guess everything was just too new to handle it.”

Ryan smiles and looks away, clearing his sore throat and swallowing.

“Maybe. We could try again some other time, to see if it was that or you’re that awesome,” he says, not really looking at Brendon. “I mean, if you really want to. If you meant what you said and it wasn’t just dirty talk.”

“It was dirty talk, actually…” Brendon says, licking his lips and getting a little bit closer. “But, um. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” He smiles, resting his hands on Ryan’s hip. “What about Pete, then? I mean, I thought you wanted him to… That you liked him like… That you wanted…”

“I don’t.”

Brendon shuts up, thinking for a moment what does that means then, why Ryan was going to let Pete do it if it supposedly only works when you do it with someone you love, or like, or…

“I thought you had a crush on him, you have to like him for it to work,” Brendon says, and Ryan just shakes his head a little, smiling small.

“I have a crush on him. He’s hot. And he’s Pete. But that’s all,” Ryan says, and Brendon is still confused, but he guess that’s enough for him. He just hopes he and Ryan can get to do this again, even if it’s just for fun. He’s pretty much up for whatever Ryan wants, honestly. He’s about to ask Ryan if he thinks Pete would still do it once he knows Ryan doesn’t want to take it farther, but then he sees Ryan looking at him closely, and words get lost in his throat. “Bren. What if I don’t change back?”

“What if you don’t change back?” Brendon asks too, because it’s not like is that big of a deal. But then he thinks that maybe he’s being insensitive or something, that Ryan’s not him, Ryan’s different. “I mean, I don’t really… care. Of course it doesn’t matter if I care or not, but I mean. You shouldn’t care. It works fine, it doesn’t hurt or anything, it’s aesthetically pleasing and it gives you pretty awesome orgasms, so,” he finishes, smiling.

“But. I want to be a guy again,” Ryan says, lowering his voice, almost a whisper, because this is the first time he admits this. He’s been saying all this time that he’s not a girl every time one of the guys made a joke, but that doesn’t mean he fully feels like a guy.

“But you are,” Brendon frowns, getting closer and caressing Ryan’s cheek with the back of his hand because his fingers are gross. “Dude, you’re still Ryan. That didn’t change. Who you are doesn’t depend on what you have between your legs, man. You are who you are.” Brendon smiles, leaning in to kiss the top of Ryan’s nose. “But, if you still feel uncomfortable, then we’ll find something. We can buy a strap-on or, or, if you need surgery… we can go for it. Whatever you need, I’ll be there with you. But I want you to know that you will always be Ryan to me. So you should always be Ryan to you.”

Ryan looks at him close, processing Brendon’s words.

“Can I kiss you?” Ryan asks, and Brendon wants to laugh and say that he just let him fuck him, a kiss won’t make a difference, but somehow it feels like it will, so he just smiles and nods, closing his eyes when Ryan puts his lips on his, kissing soft. “Thank you.” Ryan breathes against his mouth.

“Stay here tonight,” Brendon says, and Ryan just nods.

 

*

 

Ryan’s phone is incessantly ringing, Pete’s ringtone echoing in the bus, making Jon groan and Spencer curse all of Ryan ancestor for not turning the phone off. It’s too early, and Ryan’s head it’s still buried in Brendon’s pillow, their limbs tangled, the sheets upside down. Brendon opens one of his eyes, smiling tired and whispering a “good morning” at the same time Spencer’s threatening him with making him swallow the phone if he doesn’t get it _now_.

“Okay, okay, relax! I’m going,” Ryan says, but right then the ringing stops and Ryan just turns around on the bed, cuddling with Brendon.

“That’s Pete. You should call him back,” Brendon says, voice muffled against Ryan hair.

“In a minute,” Ryan replies, hugging Brendon closer, making his jump when something digs into his hip. “Sorry. Morning wood.”

“Yeah, I can feel it,” Brendon laughs, and then he opens his eyes wide just to meet Ryan’s equally huge. They both look down, Ryan squeaking and Brendon gasping when they see Ryan’s cock standing up right there between them. “Holy shit.”

“It’s back!” Ryan nearly screams.

“It’s _huge_ ,” Brendon murmurs, looking back at Ryan. “I’m not sure I can take that, man, I’m… Wait. Wait, that means you like me! You fucking like me!” Brendon laughs.

“What? Of course I like you, what the fuck?” Ryan asks confused, not really paying too much attention because his cock, his beloved cock is back and as good as ever, morning wood included and everything. Ryan mentally thanks the aliens.

“Then why the fuck didn’t you ask me to do it? You were gonna let Pete fuck you, asshole!” Brendon pushes him. “I was suffering!”

“You were what?? I didn’t…” Ryan shakes his head. “I didn’t know you liked me like that!”

“Like you?? I fucking love you!” Brendon shouts, covering his mouth quickly, his eyes opening wide as well as Ryan’s. “I mean… I. Um. I…”

“He loves you too! Now shut the fuck up, I want to sleep!” Spencer shouts, groaning and making Ryan blush a little. “You made enough noise last night already…” he adds, now making Ryan turn completely red.

They wait in silence for a moment, just in case Spencer has something else to say, or if Jon wants to join in. When no one says anything, they look back at each other, feeling more awkward than they should.

“So… you do?” Brendon asks, looking at him carefully, biting his bottom lip.

“Well, I mean… you know,” Ryan says, looking away and shrugging. “Yeah.”

“So you’re not sleeping with Pete then?”

“I don’t think he’d want to now anyway,” Ryan answers, Brendon pushing him because of it, making him laugh. “I won’t. I don’t need to anyway. And I already have you, just in case…”

“Fuck yes!” Brendon smiles wide. Ryan smiles too, sliding his fingers down Brendon’s arms, making an innocent face when he speaks.

“So, speaking about… What did you say last night about wanting to blow me?” Ryan asks, pushing with his hips, making his cock rub against Brendon’s hipbone. Brendon lets out a laugh, smirking.

“You dirty, dirty boy, Ross. What am I going to do with you?” he says, biting Ryan’s mouth in a kiss before starting to move down.

With a hand on Brendon’s hair and a smile on his face, Ryan opens his legs and thanks the aliens again.

 

 


End file.
